A Decade

It has been a decade since I last posted a blog. I was amazed that this was still here. I am feeling the need to blog again and, since it has been 10 years, I have much to write about. I am not the same person that I was back then. I have a new life and identity. I have less of a filter than I ever did IRL. My social life existed back then, in Alanon meetings and Online. Social media hadn't really taken over our lives yet, we wrote blogs and interacted that way. Journalspace was our social media and then it was taken away and we had to find other ways to socialize. I am a natural introvert, having an online existence was comforting to me. I have changed. I am in a real relationship for the first time in a decade. I was working to convince myself that I didn't need to have more than what I had back then. I have the real thing today. I have someone who challenges me to grow daily and doesn't let me be complacent, unless it's something I really need. I am going to continue reading my old entries and seeing how far I have evolved. It should prove interesting.

Question

What is the question? Assuming there is one, I think it would be why? I don't know why I keep feeling such suffocation when there really is no reason to feel this way. My life is good and I have all that I need but I keep feeling the need to hide and do my own thing. It's interesting to me that these feelings still linger, long after I felt I had extinguished them.

Part of me is not living and breathing. There is a part of me that I feel I need to stuff down deep and ignore. I do allow myself to wander into my strange obsessions a few times a week, when I have those long drives alone mostly. I seem to thrive on the secrecy of the obsessions. I think I will always have these needs.